dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
