I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
