I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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