gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
