I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
