That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
