i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
