tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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