If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
