Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm always down for nudity.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
