I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
