fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
