So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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