i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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