Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
