Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
