it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
