So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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