dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
two words...techno handjob
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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