ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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