The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
