If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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