Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
