I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
be right there i have to get my cape
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
