sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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