well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
