The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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