I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
