sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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