I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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