Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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