Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
