2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
