Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
