I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
