you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
