I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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