I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
and she was petting her beer can
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
