The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
