As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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