evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
