I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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