I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
