? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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