Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
