I smell stomach acid.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
