So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
