I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
