I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
