My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
