If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
