When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If I die, sorry about rent.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
