I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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