My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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