Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
