The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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