Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
