You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
